Cameron Rogers doesn’t believe in presenting a perfect picture of motherhood that obscures all the hard work, emotions, and stress that comes with it. Being a mother to 1-year-old son Liam is “the best thing that ever happened to me, but also the hardest thing I’ve ever done,” says the Freckled Foodie podcaster and blogger. As such, she is committed to being honest about the highs and lows and everything in between.
Speaking to Yahoo Life’s The Unwind, the content creator says she had high hopes for pregnancy, which she built up as a “glorious gift” that she couldn’t wait to experience. But while she can count herself lucky to have had a healthy pregnancy and the luxury of working from home during that time, the experience was otherwise “very, very difficult” for a first-time mom. Rogers says she felt “wildly unprepared with all the physical changes that were happening to me,” including constant nausea.
“I went into the pregnancy very excited,” Rogers says. “I felt like I was sold on this story that it was the most incredible, heroic, glowing, magical time. And I think that was part of why I struggled the most during pregnancy because my reality was so far from mine that I didn’t like being pregnant. For the first 20 weeks, I felt nauseous almost every hour; I was hungry all day, but the food didn’t interest me. I just felt physically uncomfortable. It was just not what I thought it would be.”
Cameron Rogers, aka Freckled Foodie, talks about motherhood and mental health. (Photo: Freckled Foodie; designed by Quinn Lemmers)
In contrast, giving birth left her feeling empowered. However, Rogers now sees herself as perhaps so focused on preparing for childbirth that she was taken aback by how the postpartum period would affect her. As someone diagnosed with a generalized anxiety disorder and who had continued to take antidepressants during her pregnancy, she was aware of the possibility of developing postpartum depression; she had even discussed it with her therapist. What she hadn’t expected was how it would manifest in her. Being in “survival mode” and focusing on her baby’s needs wasn’t the problem; it was juggling those responsibilities with work, friends, and all other aspects of her pre-baby life.
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“All we have to do is focus on feeding the baby, feeding ourselves, sleeping, and everyone going to the toilet,” she recalls that newborn period. “And it was such a routine that I could live in that world. I could live in survival mode, keep my head down, and keep going. Yes, I was emotional. Yes, I was hormonal. Yes, I cried a lot but I could do it all in that world.
“What was hard for me was when I started to re-enter my former world and still lived as if I had one foot in each of these realms,” she continues. “So I tried to see friends. I tried to socialize. I tried to go back to work. And at the same time, I was up all night breastfeeding. I wasn’t sleeping. I was trying to keep this human alive. And it was so confusing to me because I felt like I could live in his world, but I had a really hard time living with him in my world, and it lasted until about four months [postpartum] when I think I noticed how depressed I was and how sad I was and how much I struggled. And I remember feeling completely drained not having the energy or interest to do anything. I just wanted to sit in silence for as long as possible. And my husband said to me, ‘I don’t think this is great…I feel like this has taken a turn for the worse.’ And I agreed with him.”
It was advice from her Freckled Foodie podcast that also led Rogers to finally make an appointment with her psychiatrist, who could adjust her medication. She recalls a guest who remarked, “the strength is not to put on a brave face and get through these dark days without asking for help; the strength is to admit you’re having a hard time, to ask for help. and try to make the change.” The new mom realized that the advice she had to take was for herself.
Weaning after five months of exclusive breastfeeding also greatly impacted her mental health. She says weeks after weaning, “it felt like a completely different world to me.”
“I was emotionally, physically, and mentally drained,” Rogers says of nursing. “I’ve hit a breaking point. I’m so thankful that I was able to produce milk. I’m so thankful that we could latch on after we thought about it for a while. I’m thankful my body could do that, but I was also very grateful that we have a formula. … I am a big believer in ‘fed is best’.”
In the spirit of “choosing joy every day,” the content creator also brought therapeutic practices and little things she loved back into her normal routine. Including meditation, journaling, exercise, therapy, and cannabis; the latter is something she has openly discussed with her audience about its use. Rogers did not use cannabis during her pregnancy or while breastfeeding and missed its effect on her creativity and her ability to relax and live in the moment.
Rogers, who recently stopped drinking alcohol, admits that people have “a lot of opinions” about her cannabis use, something she finds unfair given the acceptance and light-heartedness surrounding the so-called mommy wine culture. While she doesn’t think mothers should be ashamed in any way, she sees herself as a much better mother when it comes to cannabis than wine’.
“I also think there is a complete misunderstanding when discussing cannabis,” she adds. “Most people think of someone lying all stoned on the couch, unable to function, diving into five bags of chips, watching a funny movie, and oblivious to the world. That, yes, is a potential for many people when they use cannabis, but that is not the usual result when I talk about my use, and I think when many other parents talk about their use, I am a fully functioning person. When I am on cannabis, it helps calm my brain a bit, boosting my creativity, helping with physical things – like menstrual cramps, now that I’m on my period – and helps immensely with my anxiety and depression.”
That said, she does have rules regarding her cannabis use, mainly because she doesn’t partake in it when her son is awake. Before adopting her current booze-free lifestyle — a term she prefers sober or sober-curious — she wouldn’t drink alcohol or be drunk in front of Liam either.
Rogers recently marked 100 days without a drink. She decided to cut back after realizing that even the occasional glass of wine in the evening would cause a bad mood and anxious thoughts. And then there’s the torture of parenting with a hangover.
“It makes parenting ten times harder. And for me, as someone who loves my child and loves being a mother, and I think I’m good at it, I experienced these days where I thought, I don’t want to. I love being a mother, but I don’t want to be a mother, And I wouldn’t say I like that feeling. Do I think it’s common? I think 99% of women feel it at some point. Yes, But I want it to experience as little as possible.”
“I’m not saying I’ll never drink alcohol again,” she says. “I don’t know [how long it will last], but I know for myself now that this is the best thing I could have done for myself. And I think it makes me a much better mother. I am more present with my son. I get more excited about things. I am more willing to do things with my child. I’m happier. I’m nicer. I don’t know how to say it other than that I’m just a better mom.”
Whether people agree with her cannabis use or not – and she doesn’t care either – Rogers knows she’s a ‘really good mother’, which she admits sounds strange. “We’ve brought this story out that women shouldn’t be self-confident…and I’m proud of the mother I am,” she says. She says the secret is that she permits herself to care for her own needs and mental health.
“When I have time to do things for myself — whether that’s a date night with my husband or an outing with my girlfriends, or just waking up an hour before my son and giving myself time to do my morning routine so I can start the day on the page I want to start it on — that’s when I’m the best mom,” she says.
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